Saturday, April 19, 2008

Velocirapture (excerpt)

Slim, the kindest cowboy in Malan County, TX, doesn't have alot of time left. But the Good Lord has a mission for him. Slim's been duped into helping the slick and corrupt Pastor Wally into forging artifacts for Genesisland Creationist Theme Park. Knowing that Slim loves dinosaurs, a kind hearted Velociraptor named Hank is sent back to Earth to help get Slim and his son back on track, and foil the crooked false prohphet Wally before he can launch his media empire.

“Lord”, Slim said as he began his prayers”, “Thank ya for this wonderful day and wonderful world. Please bless me, and my son, and my ex-wife, and Pastor. And bless everyone in Malan County and in the World. Please bless them two gay men that got beat up. Please forgive me for drinking too much when I was young, even though I still have one beer every Friday night, except when I have my son every other weekend. Please forgive me for slapping my ex wife on the cheek that one time, even though it was real light, and even though she said it was no big deal. I still feel bad about it, Lord. Though she did leave me. Which I don’t blame her for. I deserved that. As always the thing I want most is for my son to have the best life he can. And the thing I want second is for everybody in the world to be as happy as they can. And I have a new thing I want third, Lord. Though I been saying it to you every night for the last year and a half, please put off the troubles doc says is coming with my blood pressure and my heart a bit longer if it be your will, Lord. And my fourth thing, Lord, even though I know I ain’t supposed to ask for such things, you know I’m gonna ask anyway, if there’s ever a way I could see a real live true dinosaur, I would like that very much, Lord. Ok, I’m real tired, So, Good Night Lord, and I hope you had a real fine day. And as always, if there’s somethin’ you want me to do, tell me, just in a way I’ll understand. Thank you again, and good night”.

And Slim passed into slumber. And his rambling but earnest prayer was heard by the Good Lord. The real Good Lord. Not the Lord whom Pastor justified all the things he said and did in the name of, not the wrathful God for whom eight cowboys had ganged up on and beaten two gay men within inches of their lives, but the Good Lord whom made good men like Slim good to begin with. And he sent someone to Slim in the night. Someone whom He was quite sure Slim would get along with just fine, and someone whom he knew would help Slim do the special thing Slim was meant to do.

There was going to be a miracle. And the same powers that be that had inspired a Persian King to declare the first law code that gave inalienable human rights for the first time, the same powers that had seen fit to have a young man from Nazareth speak parables and heal lepers, were sending a messenger back to Earth so that Slim might do for them one of those things they require when direct intervention is necessitated.

And they were going to do it just in time for breakfast. A fine smelling breakfast that filled Slim’s nostrils and woke him immediately from slumber.
Now, Slim was a simple man, but a smart man. He knew an intruder who was cooking breakfast probably meant him no harm. Immediately upon waking, he knew that he was not alone in the trailer. He was well liked, and he assumed that whoever had broken into his trailer didn’t have an inimical agenda toward him. Who would? But that doesn’t mean he was about to throw caution to the wind. He rose from the recliner slowly and turned toward the kitchen area.

There, with its two fore fingers and single opposable thumb wrapped around a frying pan that it was moving with some dexterity, was a Raptor Dinosaur. It’s underbelly was grayish brown, and its backside was covered with grey feathers with a hint of blue and red on the top of its head and the tip of its tail, just enough color to look classy without being rococo. It stood bipedally, its long tail extended in counterbalance. It was fairly small snouted but had a fine row of pearly white and sharp teeth, and it cocked its head slightly to look Slim directly in the eye. Its two eyes were completely front facing, nearly like a man’s, and they looked to be something crocodilian which had begun to transition toward something doe eyed and avian. And although these nictitating membrane covered eyes were meant to give sharp binocular vision to a predator, they gleamed a comforting beam that only a creature with a truly warm heart could exude, and no malicious beast could feign.

“Morning”, he said, as it’s voice was clearly male, and the accent was like that of a modern southern gentleman.

“Good… Morning”… Slim stammered.

“I made a double portion, figured I’d eat too, as we’re gonna be talking over breakfast”, the dinosaur said.

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